We think we're ready for anything but really we're not. When they called me from the nursing home in Cheyenne at 5:45 this morning to tell me my mother had passed away during the night, I really wasn't ready. I had been in Cheyenne Tuesday and Wednesday with mom. We talked about people and things and took care of some pretty important business. Wednesday morning we went over everything I had done since I took over her personal bookkeeping duties. A couple weeks ago I sent her income tax to an accountant, balanced her bankbook, paid bills, and even deposited some checks that had come since she went into the hospital. She had spent ten days at the hospital and I thought we would lose her then. She survived and went to a nursing home for physical therapy where her goal was to get strong enough to go into assisted living. I had spent time looking for appropriate placement sites for the day she left the nursing home. We arranged having enough money in her checking account that she would be good for at least a year if not more. The last thing I did Wednesday was to bring more clothes to her along with writing paper, notes, envelopes, and stamps. She wanted her address book and her phone card as she was planning to catch up on owed letters and phone calls. When I said good-bye to her around noon yesterday, she was eating in the dining room and had made a friend who ate with her.
Then came the call.
Today I spent half my day on the telephone with my brother, a nursing home, the independent living facility where she resided, a bank, an accountant, and the mortuary. The hardest calls and e-mails were to her friends and relatives. I had to tell my kids that grandma had died. I called a couple of her friends and e-mailed others. Ironically her older sister (almost 98) had the most mature understanding. She had mixed feelings after seeing what mom was going through in pain, etc., but my aunt handled it very well. I think the older we get the more we think about and understand death-our own and others. As my mother would say, "Growing old is not for the weak."
I wasn't ready but I've done enough reflecting today that I'm comfortable with the situation. I didn't cry but I shed a few tears.